Day 15

[ktron]

Mindtalk is resisting HARD tonight on sitting down and writing.  Pushing through it, but this will likely be short.  I signed up for a beginner watercolor workshop a friend is teaching tomorrow... she's good, the price was right... I'm excited about getting to spend some of tomorrow in beginner mode... but I'm a little nervous about the logistics of it.  The *stuff* and getting all these newish supplies that I don't really know well on the bike.  This gives some of the more "responsible" voices permission to beat up on me a little for not having it together and being in bed already.

I read the time management chapter for a second time this morning.  I've always struggled with timeliness... tearing myself away from one thing to move on to the next has always been problematic (flashback to the days when my parents brought along bribes, one more extra gift to distract me from the grief whenever we went anywhere and IT WAS TIME TO COME HOME).  The "I do meaningful things" mantra, though, that's making me a little bit testier about OTHER people's (ok, Pavel's) timeliness.  Less because I really mind having an excuse to do some light reading, but the basic disrespect of "I interrupted whatever I was doing to show up; why is my activity so much more interruptable than yours?" So, paying some attention to that  Unsolicited advice on the art of ending conversations is probably about as good as most unsolicited advice, I guess, but expressing that it makes me feel devalued when it's extreme is probably helpful.

I meditated 10 min. this morning -- so light because the Puritan wanted to get going, although in the end getting to the library early and finding my books wound up being counterproductive since I left my wallet -- including University ID -- at home.  And the Puritan was being pretty nice about it, for him, acting sunny and cheerful about getting to work instead of frowning about time-wasting, so I wanted to honor that by throwing a compromise.  Reading log is such an easy habit at this point that I think I may keep it well beyond the 30 days.  The occasional conversational phone consultation to fact-check gets lost, but without data plan I suspect those will get rarer.

(even with experimenting, I've spent about $1 on phone service the last two days.  that's pretty cool.)

I did wear my watch on the "wrong" hand today, but I mostly noticed it when I was writing or typing since that's when it would get in the way.  The typing one surprised me a bit -- I'm accustomed to wearing a watch on my left wrist, why would that NOT get in the way?  I suppose it's just ingrained enough that I don't notice the sensation.

Since most of the handwriting was during a research presentation and a student q&a session with a potential faculty hiree, I was in predominantly analytical mode.  Traveler jetting around, who is this person, what does the department want, what does she want?  How will this question make the department look, is that ok?  Do I sound pretentious if I say this?  T. Jeff fitting all the pieces together.  The narrator figuring out how to say it on the forms.

I'd like to write more, but... falling asleep typing now.  Thanks for reading, sorry if this one's as full of sleepy typos as last night's.

Comments

[rainerrobin.livejournal.com]

That's a big feminist issue, the question of a woman's time. Women have been complaining about the devaluation of their time for about 200 years now. Men's work is "important," ours isn't, so our time is less valuable. Drives me batty. Especially since I've been trained to schedule my life around others.

[ktron.livejournal.com]

yeah, since staying on task is so iffy for me anyway... it's hard to get upset about it.

BUT. there's a strong tension between being really attracted to Pavel's passion for his work and not enjoying finding myself on the losing end when he gets immersed. Last night it was most of half an hour waiting at a restaurant... the night before that, 45 minutes between when I got to his condo with dinner and when he got off the phone with a student's parent. In the past, I think I would've done more smoothing work about it being perfectly fine, but this week I've been letting him apologize, making a few jabs (like an "of course! I've been here... do you?" when the wait-staff asked if we knew what we wanted), and letting it drop.